~~Transitions~~

2004-12-06T16:25:00.000-08:00

I dont know if it is possible to put my mind at ease. If i do, it is when i am sleeping: in complete peace and repose, not thinking about the endless things that I think about when I wake up. These "things" are impossible NOT to think about. It is easier said than done. I will admit something about myself: I am the most SELFLESS person I know. This is why I think about the well being of others before I do think about myself. It may be a nice quality but it can be my biggest flaw. I was sitting in church yesterday and my mind begand to wander. Because I was thinking about everything, I almost cried. Im worried about them and how they will fare when I leave. They may not know but I really do care about them and I am sacred that they will feel alone when I leave. I dont want them to be alone. I dont want to leave everyone. I hate being scared of change, but maybe its what I need. "Change...is to give up what we are, to become what we could be." I will miss everyone and I plan on seeing everyone when I do come back. That's a promise!

2004-10-30T23:53:00.000-07:00

Still, this is what I think: I would rather live on, carrying the memory until the end. Because even if it a sad memory,even if it is a memory that only hurts me, even if it is a memory that I would rather forget, If i carry it until the end, without running away from it, someday I may become myself who wouldn't lose to those memories. I believe it. Because, I want to believe it, there is no such memory that you can forget. So, the truth is that I didnt want you to forget about me. The truth is that this is my childish wish.

2004-10-28T09:13:00.000-07:00

I think I had a mental breakdown last night. Everything just got to me and I just started crying. It was like that for a hour and a half. I thought watching some Fresh Prince would change that but it didnt stop. Nothing consoled me at that this point. I cried my self to sleep till 2am. I really dont know why I couldnt stop. I just felt right to have a good cry. And did it help? I just feel down today. I want to talk to someone but I cant...I dont know myself why it happened I just felt REALLY depressed.

2004-10-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

I need time out from studying...

Lately I ve been wondering if my college work is really paying off. I feel like I hit a fork in the road but I havent walked a path yet. Right now I'm appling to eight colleges just for my major. Im still really really upset about the bad advisment that my counselor gave me spring semester. I dont trust anything my school tells me anymore. Its all crap to me. They screwed me over twice and that has made 2 out of the 3 years of college completely wasted. Because of their mistake, I cant apply to this school I really wanted to attend. You would imagine with a major like mine, with the high demand for nurses, the schools would be addmitting everyone. But we all know that it isn't that easy just to accept everyone....but it makes sense to right? I have never been this overwhelmed before. I get so frustrated to the point where I would literally break down and cry. I dont know where to go sometimes. I know there is something wrong with me. I dont know who I am anymore. Everyone says I'm a hard worker.....am i really? I guess it depends on IF i consider myself one...so I guess I dont. Everyone says I'm smart.....is that so? Why do I feel ignorant when I explain things?

2004-10-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

i feel lethargic....

2004-06-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

Its true that If you always remember someone, they will never be forgotten. Its still hard to accept that three people whom i have grown to love more and more each day are now gone. One I have not met my Auntie Rita but I have heard she was a kind and gentle woman. My Uncle Roy who I was just reunited with was taken away even before I even got to know him. Auntie Vicki who was like a mentor to me. And Lola who gave her family love that would never fade. The other night I was sitting alone at my computer. I suddenly felt that I wasnt alone. I instantly knew who it was and I wasnt scared. Instead I felt at ease and happy. Then I started to cry. I know that I might have just remembered all of my loved ones at that moment.....But it felt real...as if they had never gone away. I love you all and I will always remember you.

2004-06-01T01:41:00.000-07:00

Who is this?
This is me.
Who am I?
I am I.

In a way I have seen myself as independent but then again I sometimes need someone to tell me what is justified and what is wrong. I want to become independent on the whole . I want to do things for MYSELF. Why is it that I come off as helpless? Why do i come off as weak? I want my college experiece to be memorable but then again I want it to be enjoyable. I dont see that happening right now. I see no point in proceeding. Everything just gets worse as every day comes and goes. I know I have told other people that things will definitely get better when they have had a string of bad days. But my string of bad luck lasted for about a year. I get emotionally,mentally and physically brought down and yet I find the positive in the bad events that happen to me. But now it seems pointless to find the positive in any negative. Is this what karma really is? I havent done anything wrong. Why does everything never turn out how i want it to? I know everyone cant get what they want sometimes. Maybe its just me being spoiled. But all I know is that I am seriously on the verge of a mental breakdown.

2004-05-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

I'm alive, I'm living now.
Seeking something inside of this life
While I wriggle myself and slip out,
I'm trying to test how strong I am
I'm not afraid of getting hurt!

Simply, by keeping doing anything,
I don't wanna be regretting myself!
I'll keep running
I won't be stopped by anybody!
I wanna get along... Give a reason
for life ...to the me of the future

Doing a stronger image of myself,
I find myself smiling...
I believe in my feelings, it moves me toward
my dreams more than anything else, anybody else

I won't be leaning on my goal
even when I find my way to it
Because surely a new dream
will push my back again

2004-05-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

Now you are holding me up strong

Now I am holding you up as well

So let's wander

And live towards the future together

After fighting with friends, and being that way

I feel that something is missing

Looked at with cold eyes

I'm blown by the dry wind of this time

Feelings of doubt and courage are standing back to back

BUt right now, I will make the dreams come true with my two hands

The days when I'm hurt and about to break

The days when I trouble wou with my tears

They all exist but we will get over it and reach higher than anyone

2004-05-21T10:48:00.000-07:00

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold is false.

01. When I was younger, I made some bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love broccoli
04. I love sleeping
05. I have loads of books (i wish..there are so many good ones out there...)
06. I once slept in a toilet
07. I love to play video games
08. I've tried marijuana
09. I watch porn movies
10. I watch "One Tree Hill"
11. I like sharks
12. I love spiders, I think they're adorable
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair
14. I like George W. Bush
15. I once had a red bicycle
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a Toyota
18. I have a lot to learn
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself
20. I'm really, really smart (You dont know how much i wish i can say that with confidence T_T)
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret
23. I hate the rain
24. I drink health juice
25. Punk rock rules
26. I need money right now
27. I love Sushi
28. I would hate to be famous
29. I am not a morning person
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have been to Las Vegas
32. I have atleast one brother and one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. My legs are two different sizes
35. I have a twin
36. I wear those long ass socks
37. I can roll my tongue
38. I like the way that I look(lets just say decent)
39. I'm obsessed with Italian food
40. I know how to French braid
41. I can be pessimistic or optimistic whenever I want
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I skateboard/snowboard
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I'm in a band
46. I have a talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am currently single (T_T...i dont wanna say i am)
50. I can't swim
51. My favorite color is either blue, red, or white
52. I practically live in sweatshirts
53. I love to shop
54. I would classify myself as either punk or goth
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I'm a prep, shop at abercrombie, and ADMIT IT
57. I'm obsessed with my xanga
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I know how to square dance
60. I have a unibrow
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mom
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I know how to play the drums
66. I love coffee
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I've rejected someone before
69. I currently like someone (still in love w/ my ex)
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have kids when I get older
72. I have changed a diaper before(my nephews and niece)
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails (one of the bad things i did when i was a kid)
75. I am a member of the Hilary Duff fan club
76. I'm not allergic to anything
77. I love broadway plays, and have been to at least 3
78. I have no idea who the 38th president was
79. I plan on seeing Mary Kate and Ashley's new movie
80. I am completely shy around the opposite sex
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 15 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs at a party(and my last...it was gross)
84. I love "Saved By The Bell"
85. I've read all of the Harry Potter books (YES!!! SO good!!!!)
86. If I were a dwarf, I would be dopey
87. When I was a kid I played with G.I. Joe
88. I dont mind country music89. I would die for my friends
90. I think that Juicy Fruit is the best type of gum
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive and paranoid and extremely jumpy (just paranoid)
93. I want to change my appearance
94. I love the Beatles.. they're classic
95. I know all the words to 'Barbie girl'
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have to fart
99. I want this damned thing to be over!
100. I'm happy as of this moment (more like eh...)

2004-05-18T22:52:00.000-07:00

If you stare Into one's eyes, you will warm up
Me wo mitsumetara, sugu atatamete
Believe in the writing on the glass
Shinjite ru garasu ni kaita moji
Being that it is going to snow soon
Ima furisousugu kono yuki no naka
There is only one that is looking for me
Tada hitori saga shiteru
During sad nights, I want to hear your voice
Sabishi yoru wa koe ga kikitari
Like tears and like you, I can feel strength
Namida mo kimi mo tsuyosa kanjite
I realized that our meeting was fateful
Deata koto wa guuzen janai itsumo no rikoerareta
Because you were there
Anata ga itakara
If it was to come true, please come and see me.
Moshi kanaunara sugu ainkite
Will my isolation last, if you hold out your hand
Mada kodokukana te wo sashidaseba
The ever-falling eternity
Furitsumoru eien ga

2004-05-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

Its amazing how much I loved you
akireruhodoni aishiteta
Everything was sparkling
nanimokamoga kirameite
Something that I would forget
wasureru kotonante
I belived that there wouldnt be a single thing
nani hitotsu naito shinjiteta
This passion falls apart
jounetsuga hodokakete
Up it goes to the time where it breaks apart
kuzure ochiru shune uwe
I will never forget
wasurewa shinai itsumademo
Dont call me a bribe
otrorida nante iwanaino
I just want to be held safely in your arms
tada kimini bujito dakini itai

2004-05-10T17:53:00.000-07:00

Our greatest battles are that with our own minds. - Jameson Frank

Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand. - Chinese Proverb

We must never cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time. - T.S. Eliot

Life must be understood backward. But it must be lived forward. - Soren Kierkegaard

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha

2004-05-08T21:36:00.000-07:00

You're "Imaginary"...a dreamer and always
happy...

Which Evanesence song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-05-08T21:25:00.000-07:00

I feel I should be somewhere...but where?
I feel something is wrong...is there?
YES

2004-04-29T21:47:00.000-07:00

Help me deal
Its so much to bear
Just being myself alone is painful enough
Im dying inside...
How can I be content?
When I think about what I can do
I just collapse in total confusion

The Reason - Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say
I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

2004-04-28T23:27:00.000-07:00

I need to find a cave/ tunnel....and just scream for as long as i want

2004-04-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

+---This is just about me, not towards anyone. I just wanted to write what I am feeling about myself---+

Its painful to live with this mind of mine
Not knowing if you had just did something hurts.
Even if it was just a second earlier I had forgotten
Some of it comes back but not completely.
Whats wrong with me?
I cry myself to sleep for this reason.
I feel I am annoyance to everyone around me,
Maybe I should live in silence
The past two months have been excrutiating
And just like that,
Everything came crashing down in an instant.

I have lost too many and now another
I feel as if everyone is leaving me
Please don't
I need you here
I need everyone here
Everyone I love and care for
Onegai, Oisekunaide - Please don't leave me alone

2004-04-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

If it ends here, it will mean that I was only capable of getting this far.
I know I can be so much more...

2004-03-23T19:02:00.000-08:00

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything
till I break away from me
I will break away
I'll find myself today

2004-03-18T15:39:00.000-08:00

Part of me won’t go away
Everyday reminded how much I hate it
Weighted against the consequences
Can’t live without it so it’s senseless
Wanna cut it out of my soul
And just live with a gaping hole
Take control of my life
And wash out all the burnt taste
I made the problems in the first place
Hang my head low ‘cause it’s part of me
Ya hardly see right next to the heart of me
Heard of me the routine scar
New cuts cover where the old ones are
And now I’m sick of this
I can’t stand the sandpaper thoughts that grade away on my sanity
I rather not even be then the girl that’s staring in the mirror through me

2004-03-07T15:07:00.000-08:00

Hold on to me love
Hou know i can't stay long
All i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

2004-03-06T11:04:00.000-08:00

I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/only to find that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own

I will never know
myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today

2004-03-03T19:54:00.000-08:00

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed

It starts with
One thing
I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard I try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
I kept everything inside and even though I tried
it all fell apart
It will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried
so hard

And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

2004-01-28T14:39:00.000-08:00

Hey all! Im just writing right now because i am on my break. My parents are out at a SuperBowl party and I'm at home....aching all over because i was playing softball yesterday. Just walking on the field was a mistake...haha. Withinthe first five minutes, i kicked a ball because it was a grounder, the ball was hit high and landed on my foot, a ball was hit then it bounced and hit me in the leg, and i was trying to catch this ball rolling towards me on the ground and it went into the glove, up my arm and hit me in the head. Now you know im accident prone. and this is clear eveidene of it. hahaha i was lucky that i didnt leave in a body cast. My foot and left arm are bruised and my legs are aching. After we ate out then headed to Jessica's house to watch movies. I ended up only watching ice age cause i had to leave early because my parents wanted me home. I feel like I am the youngest in the family. My parents are going to the PI soon and they want my cousin to look after me....ok how old am I? 20. What am I in college? a sophomore. I dont need a babysitter! I feel loved and all but they just need to let go a little. I don't feel like I'm in college, I feel like im still in high school. We'll see when I turn 21 if ANYTHING will change. *sigh* ok ttyl!!! I'm gonna do some online spanish homework. Till next time!!!!

2004-01-27T23:30:00.000-08:00

Hey all! Guess what?! I found out that I am REALLY close to getting an AA. Im not sure what kind of AA its gonna be. Hopefully bio cause I need that for nursing school. Well see. I had my first class at Palomar today...I dont know why but I was feeling tension in the air. It could have been just me but I did not feel comfortable around there. The enviorment was just.........different. OH! before class I saw Gaby Cruz!!! hehe I went to the same school with her back in the OLP days. Shes one of my sister's good friends. I was good friends with her sister Larissa in OLP....too bad she goes to school Monday and Wednesday and Im at Palomar Tues. and Thurs. OH YEAH!! Our library is SOOOOO nice!!!! it has a fireplace, study rooms, and a lot more tables!! YAY!!! oh and a starbucks....even though I dont drink coffee anymore...lol. Rasberry Iced tea and water are my drinks now. haha. ok well its time for me to sleep....nyt nyt everyone! Here's a quote to think about!!! (Thanks Jon!!!)
"Things turn out best for those that make the best of the way things turn out." --Art Linkletter

2004-01-24T23:36:00.000-08:00

Hey this is a blog test haha

~this is jess chiming in..all entries prior to this were part of a blog ali originally had under my guidance..figured it would just be easier to repost her old stuff for you all to read..enjoy~

2003-11-12T00:32:00.000-08:00

Wow im blogging...surprised? haha i know jessica c is hahaha. Well...im getting scared cause i had my counciling appt. today and i found out that im ALMOST done. In 2-3 semesters I have to apply to summer school. Im so scared...just yesterday i was applying to college and now Im applying for nursing school. And you know what sucks even more? I don't know how to write a personal statement because my college didn't require it with the application. Seemed very easy going at the time but now i wish i got to write one so i would know how to do it. i asked jon to help me because he got his prepared already and he wrote one when he applied to UC schools. School is stressing!!!!!!...But i take all that aggression out when i run and exercise at the school gym. A mile a day !!!! and it feels so GOOD!!! its my hobby now...if i dont run, i feel out of it...weird huh? ok about 2 weeks ag! o my parents were talking and they were saying (or thinking....who knows...) that they would send me to the Philippines for nursing school. They dropped a bomb on me and they were telling me all the advantages of sending me to the PI: cheaper, i could get chaparoned to school everyday, i would go to the nursing school my mom attended, and i would graduate in 2 years. But i really think that im going to stay here because they're already asking relatives at SDSU about the nursing program there so im thinking it was just a thought.... hand it to my parents to stress me out like that haha. what else happend the WHOLE time i haven't blogged...OH the fires!!! OMG the sky was YELLOW. And when u went outside it was SO quiet...erie quiet.... and if u stepped outside u would breathe in a dose of what secondhand smoke was like. My nose was bleeding on and off. It was a scary time and i got a week off becasue the air was the worst in Escondido. ! Jess....if u see flames from your window....u RUN!!!! lol i called eve ryone i knew in Escondido: Jon's family, Jessica, and Sharlyn. My dad's friend lived in Cedar, this one community that was COMPLETELY burned but his house was standing in the end. If that wasn't a stroke of luck i dunno what is. Iswear if u did go out...it looked like the SARS outbreak was in SD cause everyone had masks hahaha. But it was very scary because it got close to Carmel Mtn. which is behind the mtn. behind my house. (if that made sense). In short, if the fire got to Carmen Mtn., we had to pack. But it went towards Julian which is in the Northeast. Yes its still burning and its not gonna be contained till the 16th of November...well!!! its late so i better go to sleep now. Ill see you all later!!

2003-07-02T00:31:00.000-07:00

AHHH!!!! The bio test made me realize to never doubt myself again… the essay was only 5 points but im still mad at myself that I could have gotten those 5 points. I thought about one possible answer so I wrote half of it because I doubted myself that it was wrong. But I looked at my notes inside my car and I was right the whole time. Ugh…im never gonna doubt myself again….cause I don’t like myself that much right now…im slowly getting over it … I hope I get at least a A or a high B on it. I wont settle for less. *sigh* it was weird I studied my butt off and I felt like I didn’t know anything…it was a seven chapter test….hehe its ok ill get over it…

2003-07-01T00:31:00.000-07:00

AHHH!!! No one hired me!! Eh… its ok… ill concentrate on school then. Yeah I know ive been gone for a month but yeah ive been busy with my brother’s graduation, school and oh yah!!! Im 20 now!!! Woohoo! It feels like nothing though haha. Wait till I turn 21..im gonna be a old hag. But yeah…oh yeah! My stats teacher confuses herself. All the time! Wow I hope I pass this class cause im not learning anything in that class. Bio is eh…..my teacher cant stop talking about Portugal but hes nice. I heard the other bio teacher is conceited so yeah I got it good. My bio lab teacher is really passionate about science…oh! And my lab partner Hong knows Jon haha I thought that was a really weird coincidence. What a small world. And she goes to Davis too. Its so weird…hmm…April got new fish!!!! Like in Finding nemo (my new favorite movie!!!!) Too bad she didn’t give them the names that they had in the movie…but yeah april….take care of your freshwater ones first!!! Lol u keep them in that sad little container. But its cool for that silver fish that just chills in the corner but not for the other two ya know? They gotta have their fighting space hahaha. that’s it for now….i told you my life was boring. Ill c ya later!

2003-05-31T00:30:00.000-07:00

*sigh* today started off bad. My dog puked, and went to the bathroom twice in my room. I woke up when I heard her beginning to puke. She does this dry heave thing… and I woke up at the end of that. I had to get up and get paper towels, gloves, plastic bags, and Lysol all the way downstairs. It took like 5 minutes to clean it up. -_-

2003-05-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

woohoo haven’t blogged in awhile! Hmm… I ended school the….12th…but technically I ended the 16th cause my government teacher was being a prick. Ok here’s the story. SOMEONE logged on to my My WebCT and started my government final. Once you click on the button ur final begins, even if you close the browser. So when I got home….i logged on and it said “timed out, submit quiz for grading.’ Yes I was freaking out so I e mailed my professor and told her the situation. She e mailed me the itinerary and it said I logged in at 9:30am but I was no where near a computer at that time!!!!!! She didn’t reset it for me (even though she did it for one of my friends) and instead gave me an ultimatum/choice: drop the final or answer two essay questions 2 pages each. My grade was already falling so I wanted to improve it and plus an essay was better because taking a multiple choice online was tough cause u were timed. But I got those in b4 the deadline and then I was definitely on vacation.

2003-05-02T00:28:00.000-07:00

One week is almost over!!!!! And Old Navy hasn't called me back yet!!! im getting so nervous. im starting to doubt that i got in...and Barnes hasnt called me back either...jobs don't like me. But jessica and jaclyn say that i shouldnt worry cause it usually takes that long so i should be good. *sigh* good thing im a patient person. I went to see Otello at the Civic center down town on Wednesday. Dang! on the way, Liz and I were talking about how we both heard nursing school was gonna be hard, and how we hated dissecting fetal pigs and cats. and then she was saying how her brother was in nursing school and had to dissect cadavers.... but yeah when we got there we met with Amanda in the elevator and headed to the opera house to a lecture. Lol the guy was talking about (and very passionate about ....) how people would have "quickies" in balconies behind the curtains. He spoke about other thing but he went off on this particular subject...so weird...but anywhoo after Amanda, Liz, Ati and I went to our seats...where it looked like we were looking down a cliff...it was really scary cause i am afraid of heights. We were talking about how we were all getting dizzy. Then the opera started...IT was REALLY PRETTY!!! i liked the opera A LOT!!! i know some people may disagree but I DONT CARE!!! it was SOOO GOOD!!! well from what i saw casue i had to leave early cause Liz was my ride and she was tired. I didn't want to let her drive home all tired...so we left during the second intermission. -_-...*sigh* i wish i stayed but its better to be safe. *^_^!

2003-04-21T00:27:00.000-07:00

grr a monday. I went to Gel and turned in the FINAL paper thank god…then we got a lecture on how important diversity is to colleges. I had to walk outside and get a drink of water to avoid falling asleep. Lol the girl in front of me was passing papers to me and I was holding my head up sleeping…..how embarrassing. I headed to the dome after class and I met up with jen and mike. Mike and I had a interesting conversation on how we haven’t found our niche yet…that is, what we are good at. Mine might be writing, but I still need practice hehe. But after Roy joined me and we were talking about Desiree who was in her truck with a toothache…-_-….then Jessica, Joy, Phuong, and Aldrich joined us after about 5 minutes. I went to get food with Jessica. I left my bag at the table cause I wasn’t gonna buy anything, and I asked everyone if they could watch it for me. After Jessica got her burger and fries, we headed back to the table. Aldrich and Roy had this look on their faces like they were really scared, and told me that they fooled around with my pepper spray and it spilled in my bag. I pulled it out and yes it was dripping wet. I dried it with tissue but then the fumes were really affecting me and I was coughing really really badly. My lips were burning…I gave up, took everything out of my bag and put it in my backpack, and went to my car and put my bag and put it in the trunk. (phew!) When I got back to the Dome, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I chilled with everyone for about 10 minutes till it was time to go to math. I actually got the lecture!!!!! Woohoo!!!! My eye started to itch so I started rubbing it and …that’s when I realized that the pepper spray wasn’t completely washed off cause my eye started burning. It hurt SO much. I had to go to my next class with blurred vision cause I had to take my glasses off. And yeah…that was the big thing that happened today. Lesson of the day, never trust Aldrich with your stuff…

2003-04-16T00:25:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Aj!!!!! Ok… Today started out really really bad. I worked on a 5 page paper till 2am. I had only 3 hours of sleep cause when I was done with the paper I editied it and decided that I was gonna do the corrections in the morning at 5am. I woke up and did the corrections and printed out a fresh copy. By that time it was time to get ready for school. I got to school and then chilled with Roy and Desiree b4 I went to my GEL class, and turn in the paper I printed out that morning. I was ready to hand it in when she told us to keep it. My teacher gave us a worksheet where we check off what was on the paper and what was not. I did that but I didn’t care …. I just wanted to hand it in. Then she told us to write out corrections on the paper itself. Ok….then at the end of the class she said to bring it back on Monday as a fresh copy. t >< t!!!!!! I was so mad and depressed. I lost all motivation to go to my last two classes. So I hung out with Jessica (1) at the APSS table to sell Easter grams. At lunch I met up with the other Jessica (“cool cat”) and went to eat at a Mexican restaurant. I wasn’t all that hungry but I decided to try the food out cause I have never been there b4. It was pretty good hehe. We ate there talking about random stuff then Jessica( “cool cat”) and I went back to school cause she had a 2:30 class. I stayed at school till 4 because Jessica(1) had a delivery at 4 then she was done. I headed home very cranky and just wanted to lounge around. I was talking to tiff online then she told me manang mayette was in labor!!!! Then krystal called me to tell me the same thing! I called my mom to see if I could drive to the hospital…but I had to wait till she went to work. At 10:30 my mom and I were about to leave, then my auntie julie called and said that it’s a girl and born at 9:24pm. Aj and Kaila are birthday twins! The baby stole his thunder hehehehe. We left and I stayed at the hospital till 11:30 and went home with my dad. Shes so CUTE!!!!! Ahhh!!!! They were giving her a bath and after she calmed down, she slept fer like a minute. Then she startled herself when she sneezed hehehe. Dang… it sucks to be a girl…labor sounds VERY painful….!

2003-04-12T00:23:00.000-07:00

Hmm….. all I can think about was that I was gonna go to this “loner” party. I call it a loner party cause it’s a party that Im forced to go to by my parents just to eat. Ok to me that seems very wrong….going to a party just to eat, when I don’t know anyone. Ok so I invited Krystal to go with me cause she was home alone at her house. We went to the party and my dad drove and then we got lost. When we finally get there, I did what I was brought there to do……eat….. ><….grrr im not sheisty like that. Anywhoo… this is how bored Krystal and I got. We noticed that there were a lot of people at the party that looked like the opposite gender…aka we thought they were crossdressing. So we made up a game called Guy or Girl? All we had to do was pick a person and guess their gender….it was really funny and cruel at the same time….just that the blonde chick REALLY looked like a guy!!!!! And the face was a woman… but the feet looked freakishly manly…..so we were like ….umm….well when we ran out of people to guess on, we started listening to these two girls sing karaoke. This one girl who was about Krystal’s age was REALLY good!!!! So good that Krystal wanted to suggest the audition for Star Search in Downtown the next day to her. But its ok…but here’s the bad part…this 6 year old girl wanted to show her up. She was SO off!!! She its like she was rapping “My Heart Will go on” with different pitches and different speeds. We had a big laugh over that hehe. But she sang more!! AHHH!!! Lol but its ok… we left during her 5th song hehehe

2003-04-11T00:22:00.000-07:00

Tae Kwon Do was really interesting today. I picked up Trish in the morning cause she didn’t have a car. When we got to class we had the usual lecture and we got info on our group presentations. The physical part of the class got really…..wow. haha After reviewing the three forms and the ten hand movements, we were each given a piece of newspaper and our task was to punch it once then punch it three times then kick it. It was really hard cause the paper was flying and we had to chase it everywhere. Our goal was to punch a hole in it but I didn’t….but eh…its harder than it looks. Anywhoo I almost kicked this one guy in the face cause he was chasing his paper and it flew my way. It was pretty funny. Then we learned our fourth form which was more complex than the last three but that’s ok….just need a lot of practice.
After class I drove Trish back to San Marcos cause Jessica was gonna bring her home. We met up with her in the Student Lounge. That place is actually cool when its not crowded as hell. But we sat there watching Punk’d on MTV where Willmer Valderama got his Escalade pounded LOL that was such a cool one. It doenst beat Justin’s one (“Puh please, dont step on my belongings”……poor guy….). Then I got a call that I had to go home cause Aj left his wallet at home and I had to go to the Starbucks in Clairemont to bring it to him and I was late cause this guy (that I didn’t even know) came up to us in the lounge and sang to us a song for his girlfriend…u can tell he was drunk while he was writing the song. But he finally left and I sped home. As I pulled up into the driveway, my dad calls me and says this,” Come inside were going to decide what were going to do with Aj.” Well it turns out that he got off easy and my dad just gave him his keys at starbucks.

2003-03-27T00:20:00.000-08:00

Hey all!!! Well this week was the best!! hehe i guess...i DID have a math test but its ok... But Jon and my cousins from Hawaii Jen, Jerry, and Laurence were down here in San Diego!!! YAY! All came down Saturday and the next day we went to 6 flags baby!!! woohoo! We first Rode X ... yeah it was great until we got STUCK! we were at the top fer about ten minutes or so...I was really scared cause im scared of heights next to spiders and yes, i was actually tearing cause i was that scared. Jon calmed me down then i was laughing cause my cousin Jerry and Aj were making jokes like "Aliiiiii, Jonnnnn, what are you guys doing?" oy....my family...but when we the ride got going, i didnt pay attention to where we were going cause i was falling out of the chair and i was also airborne... my legs came to be in the same slot at the end of the ride. BUT STILL IT WAS SOOOOO GOOOD!!!!!! Since we got stuck, we got I had to go to school on Monday and Jon came with me. I was thinking of skipping my last class on Wednesday BUT i found out that I had a math test. On Tuesday, I helped Jon get his chores done. I took him to Frys to get speakers for his home computer. When he was setting it up, i went to Panda Express to get food for lunch. Dang... The lady at Panda was fast! i said the order and it was in the container the next second! Anywho!!! (im getting all fascinated by how fast she was hahaha) By the time i arrived at jon's place, he was downloading the stuff for the speakers so we went to go eat it at the beach. (AHH its so cool how im like 10 minutes away from the beach!!!!) When we were eating, we were looking at these birds that looked like they were floating across the sand. LOL im weird like that..and random. But anyways after lunch we had to pick up his little brother from school then i dropped him off at his place and headed home (cause i had to be home at 4....what a crappy cerfew...). So Wednesday came and i was studying all day. After my GEL class i studied sommore with Jon cause he found a much easier way to do my type of math and then later Arien, Daryl, and Jessica showed up. Then After the test...i walked into the Dome like i wanted to keel over instantly because i knew i bombed the test. OK Thursday...Jon came over and he taught me how to play chess. It was frustrating cause i fergot the moves of all the pieces. I never beat him…grr…. lol Then we headed out to buy lotion at bath and body works for my mom. Haha I had the worst time picking out the different scents of lotions cause I didn’t know what my mom wanted. But after thirty minutes of staying there we went to go pick up Jon’s little brother nick from school and then go eat at jack in the box. I didn’t eat much because Jon and I were gonna go to dinner somewhere haha. I decided to take them to see the million dollar homes (cause I felt like it! And cause Jen Jerry and Laurence loved it so much I thought they would like it too.) And they did enjoy it! After we were done looking at those Jon drove me home to get ready for dinner. First we had to decide where we would go to eat. We ended up choosing Hometown Buffet. We went to the beach first and then I showed him the Karl Strauss Restaurant where we would plan to eat someday. It was really nice hehe. We then headed to Hometown Buffet to eat dinner. This creepy old lady kept staring at me…but eh…I had fun at dinner. When we were getting food, these two little boys were daring each other to see who would go into the girls bathroom haha. After dinner, we headed to my house cause I had to be home at nine but he could still come over. We watched anime on my dad’s computer cause I had episodes that he didn’t see yet. He stayed here until 11 and then we had to say goodbye because it would be a long time b4 we get to see each other again. -_-…… oy…. Im gonna miss him…and that was my week!

2003-03-16T00:19:00.000-08:00

sorry i haven't blogged in awhile. My Lola died on monday *tear*

And we have been busy up until now. My relatives came from the East coast. So our house was packed! Ten Cousins, Five Aunties, Five Uncles, and my lolo. They arrived here wednesday, they were here when i came home from school. Since i was late I had a quick hello with everyone then changed to go to the funeral home. We stayed there for four hours then headed home. BTW i played chauffer fer my relatives including my bro, mom, and dad. When we got home, ate dinner, and got dressed for bed, we tried to get together our "sleeping plan." Since there were so many cousins, we had to plan out where we had to sleep. And the ones that slept first prevented us from even having a space to sleep. So, we sweated them out, which is when you pile ALL the blankets on them till they wake up cause its so hot. LOL but sometimes it would get so confusing that it looked like a jumble of bodies. But before we slept on thursday, we had to figure out the speech we wanted to do for the eulogy. Props to ryan for planning most of it! hehe anywhoo we went though the memories that we have shared with lola and lolo. When it was time for the eulogy at the funeral on friday, we began to cry slightly as Auntie Vicki gave her eulogy. By the time we got up there you could hear all the shivers in our voices as we spoke. Then as the eulogy came to a close, we headed to the burial site. There as the priest gave his blessing he gave the cross, which was hanging from my lola's coffin to him. Then each cousin had a rose, with each of our names on it, and we all tossed it onto the coffin. Then we headed to VIP to eat. BUT it was a FRIDAY, meaning no meat!!! we were at a buffet and we couldnt even eat meat. That's just torture. Then when we were done eating, I went with my auntie Aida And Auntie Gogo and my uncle Ellie to bring my cousin Allan to the ER.
I dont know completely what is wrong but i know it was kinda serious. I went home cause they waited for 2 HOURS and the ER wasnt even crowded SHEESH! So my Auntie Aida home and we just chilled there. When we were praying, we got changed for bed, then watched THE RING!! OOO lol too bad i FELL ASLLEP!!! i fell asleep on the 2nd day and woke up on the 6th. How lame is that...but we all fell asleep easily after. The next morning, we hung around the house a bit then headed to the mall. DAng... all we have hhere are malls......FUN! hahaha it just gets boring at a time. I made a big deal about a shirt from Gap and a coat from Old navy but i ended up buying the shirt. Sorry mal if i dragged u back and forth. Another inside joke: "Where's Charles? And nobody cares!" lol then we met Dennis and Grace at the food court. Charles got some sour japanese udon soup, I got Rubios (WHEN DID RUBIOS GET SO EXPENSIVE?!!) and the others got Mcdonalds. My cousins went to the juice place, D'lush where andrew got a free drink cause the guy (who slid across the counter) felt like it haha. Then after we went home for the prayer. And after the guys got a craving for in and out so they went there at 12 midnight.Then monday came and we prayed before we drove them to the airport. *sigh* i hate pressured goodbyes. by this i meanwhen you have a given time limit to say goodbye. We said bye to everyone and then the security guy told us to get in our cars and move....That was the worst. But yeah that was my last experices since i last blogged. I MISS U GUYS!!!! EMPTY HOUSES SUCK!!!!

2003-03-04T00:08:00.000-08:00

I woke up Jon today to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I LOVE YOU!!! It may be just another regular day for you but to others its a blessing because it was the day when you came into this world.

After, I went to sleep fer 30 minutes more. I woke up at 6 and dressed to go to school. I didnt have classes but i did have to do research.IT WAS RAINING!!! ahh but it stopped when i started walking so no worries!Anywhoo...me and Desiree met up and she told me the story of her and this random strange girl asking her a ride to the Mira Mesa Marketplace.(LOL "you're S***ing me right? when its a easy 10 MIN walk away!!!") anywhoo... Andre and I helped her write her speech until she had to go to spanish. Then i got my research done when she was in class. After, I went with Roman to the Dome to meet Desiree, Janine and Sam. Sam and Desiree were working on their speeches while me and Janine and I were talking about how it sucks to be a girl in a Asain family hehe. THEN Roman and Desiree started to debate/fight (hehe >:D) over philosophy and a certain issue. Then Jessica came in the dome after she had class. I havent seen her in like 2 weeks!!! so i wanted to tell her everything that was happening so far. (but its not like we don't talk online every night but ya know.....) and that was another day for me!

2003-02-26T12:05:00.000-08:00

Dang i overslept again! is it really possible to unconsiously turn off an alarm clock?! And my mom woke up at 5 cause i said id wake up at that time. But i ended up waking up at 6!!! I feel so bad...-_-...but i ended up at school at 700. Oh My Goodness was it cold...I read a little and talked with my friend Roman until 8 when i had my sheduleing (sp) appt. for summersemester. I found out that i didnt fufill one part of my computer competancy requirement so i have to redo the part that i missed. I was pissed cause i studied really hard for that testand it got me nowhere. After the meeting i walked all the way over to my GEL classroom finding no one there. Then i remember that we were meeting in one of the many computer labs in the school.So i finally found it but jeez all we were doing was learning how to research and learn how touse the library catalog.I really wouldnt mind IF i haven't gotten the same exact lecture last semester for my speech class. Then i found out that there was homework but i didnt do it cause it was spread by an e mail listserv but because my computer has problems, i didnt get it. IM GONNA FAIL A CLASS CAUSE OF COMPUTER PROBLEMS!!!! oy... well after that class i went to go chill in the Dome with Jessica and Sherylin (i hope i spelled it right...) We talked about how our high schools went from ghetto to all pretty looking right after we left. LOL it was pretty funny. Then i went to math class where i got my really really hard test back...i got a 79. at least i passed. oh ...ITS NOT MATH! I mean no one has ever heard of a mod b4...AND WHY DO I KEEP FALLING ASLEEP IN HUMANITIES?!!! i tried today but i went under like 10 minutes b4 class ended. I woke up when the Professor said "And that's it for today... "

2003-02-23T12:04:00.000-08:00

My cousin woke me up at 9 to go to church at 1030 at OLMC. I wore a skirt for the first time in about a month or two. A bad time to wear it too cause it was cold. (hehe) my cousins entertain me during the mass which is good because it keeps me awake. Oh yeah...the choir was really.....umm.....loud and at times they messed up but its ok....ive been in that position b4 and it is really awkward.apparently my skin is stark white because my auntie said that i look like paper...so i have to stop using the soap (it supposedly makes my skin white) Well after church, we went to the mall to eat at Panda Express. I bought earrings which i really desperately need cause i have none to wear and the holes are starting to close.I now have over 9 pairs and it was all under 10 dollars! pretty good huh? OK why must the cutest shirts be see through?! yeah yeah "just wear something under" but its just a little thing of mine where
I ask myself that why cant they just make them opaque in the first place? ya know ya know?
Umm then my auntie and uncle asked me if i could go to housewarming party of their coworkers.
DANG that house made me feel poor....EVERY room had its own bathroom and shower. It was just really really big and if u live down where i am, its the new houses by Westview highschool. And YOU KNOW those are big.
We stayed there till about 5 then i went to my cousin's house and she kinda taught me chess in 10 minutes cause i had to go home to do homework. And that was my Sunday.

2003-02-20T00:02:00.000-08:00

Updating my page so it can look nice from the jumbled mush it was before. And Jessica being a punk about it (lol of course its all in good fun). I dont know how to set up a webpage like this so i asked for her help. And Jessica had control and she has all the say in the picture section -_-.....So my deal with her is that if i get more pictures to her to replace the ones that i dont want up there, she will take them off. Well i better hurry up and finish my disposable huh? hehe so there will be updates in the picture section definitely

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